it has really been a while ever since i swim in any swimmig pool ... i really enjoy the feeling when i am submerged in the pool ... i feels lile the whole world just slowed down and i am just alone with nothing else ...

Private Post

Have you ever tried the feeling of being abandoned?

i am having that feeling now ... ironically it is the after the night that you promised me not to take me for granted ...

i don't understand y ... when you are in pain do you need someone to talk to you or someone whom you can vent your anger too ... when you are feeling hot do you need someone to distract you or someone to scold ...

somehow i am always the one to scold ... someone to vent the anger ....

i am just a bag of rubbish ... hai .... unwanted .... useless

Someone who has been married for 32 years told me this : treat your partner as a friend. Treat her with the similar respect you have given to your friends ...

actually when i think about it .. this is really true ... being over protective, over sensitive has always been my flaw. if only i can treat her like a friend ... but how ... hmmm this is really easier said than done .

being in love with her for 16 plus months now ... and i just can't seem to love her less ...

Just some random thoughts ...
I just read a very good book named "不想恋爱“ or don't want to be in love

i don know why but i just kind of relates to this character in the story
...

i don't know what is love ... even though i claimed to be loving most of the time ... sometimes i asked myself ... what is love ... why am i doing everything and the end product can't even benefit me ... why am i so happy just to see her smile when the fact is that i just can't stop crying within myself.

I love her ... as the phase suggests ... i have this special emotion for her that cannot be explained just by reasoning ... when you are in something that you can't even reason it out ... you know that you must be in some kind of deep trouble...

she is that trouble ... that deep trouble that i can't get out of ...

but no matter what i say ... when she is not there arguing with me or having cold war with me ...

i feel so alone ...

i guess ... that is love ...

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